I first want to thank our great friend Christina Ferguson for suggesting this spec. She also posted her own thoughts about it here.
INSERT – APPLAUSE!
As Christina points out, this script was considered to be (by development people) one of the hot specs of 2005. Fugate was a writer to watch and for good reason. She has a lot of wonderful strengths going for her as a writer, and she most certainly has that potential to become a member of that elite group of reliable closers.
With respect to the story, I loved the concept, as well as the distinct voices of the different characters, the short scenes, and yes, even the fragmented sentences in the action lines. For those of you who have not read her scripts, here’s an example of her action lines:
INT. BLACK SEDAN – PALM BEACH – DAY
In the black seat, alone, ROSALIND HARRISNO (30s), sits perfectly erect, looking out the window at the thrashing sea.
Red lips. Pearl earrings. Black Chanel suit. Stunning.
Bob pointed out some format concerns, and yeah, this was not perfect format-wise, but this felt much more “cleaned up” than a lot of specs I’ve encountered on TriggerStreet, and I was happy about that. Reading the scene above, I thought of our good friend Dave Trottier who instructs writers to have only one dash in the Master Scene Headings (“Palm Beach” need only be mentioned in the action lines). Also, the word “Stunning” is an unnecessary unfilmmable opinion of the writer (symptomatic of a lot of unfilmmables she wrote in her action lines), because it’s fairly obvious with the red lips and pearl earrings, etc, that she looks quite beautiful. But I do like these paragraphs. Complete sentences are not required. As David pointed out in the comments section of Miriam’s review, “The less you write, the more they’ll read.” (Miriam's review was, as always, really superb.)
But to my bigger point, I liked what Fugate was trying to do in terms of style and technique. She gives us in our first look at Rosalind, a woman who’s perfectly poised and beautiful while looking out the window at a “thrashing sea,” which was meant to symbolize her inner turmoil through a nice, clean, visual style of cinematic storytelling. It brought to mind the close-ups of Holly Hunter in The Piano. At one point, there was the close-up of Holly’s face while dark clouds rolled behind her. Or there was the shot where we would be outside looking at her through a window while she stared out at the world and a storm began and rain pelted the window panes. Holly’s character was mute and had cold expressions, but the clouds and rain helped express to the audience visually her inner feelings and turmoil.
Additionally, Fugate gave the implication in the scene above with the black sedan and Rosalind’s black Chanel suit that she was headed for something like a funeral or some place that she does not want to go, which turned out to be a fundraiser. It makes me happy to see writers endeavor to tell their stories cinematically like this. (Another example – the moment when sandbags were getting thrown from the back of pick-up trucks on a beach to surf shops and sno-cone stands that were being boarded up due to an impending storm and “over-lording” this moment was the billboard of her husband running for the Senate and promising to “Keep Florida Safe.”)
I liked many of her transitions, too, such as the one on page two - the manicured hands of the wealthy women writing checks for Arthur Harrison’s campaign and then we cut to the calloused hands with “old cuts that never quite heal,” which were the hands of Donny Flynn.
With respect to any criticisms, everyone did such an outstanding job, and I am so very grateful for every review. After reading the script, I could feel a 5,000 word review brewing inside of me, but so much of my own thoughts were covered in everyone else’s reviews. There’s very little with which I disagreed and I made my thoughts known in the various comments sections. I’ve said before, give enough time and enough good reviewers to look at your script, all of the weaknesses will get dutifully pointed out to you.
In Christina’s post, she pondered, “I wonder if this is not one of those stories for the 80% of viewers out there that don't see things coming and suspend belief at a high level if the kid is cute enough.” Anything’s possible, but I wouldn’t risk my own money it.
-MM
INSERT – APPLAUSE!
As Christina points out, this script was considered to be (by development people) one of the hot specs of 2005. Fugate was a writer to watch and for good reason. She has a lot of wonderful strengths going for her as a writer, and she most certainly has that potential to become a member of that elite group of reliable closers.
With respect to the story, I loved the concept, as well as the distinct voices of the different characters, the short scenes, and yes, even the fragmented sentences in the action lines. For those of you who have not read her scripts, here’s an example of her action lines:
INT. BLACK SEDAN – PALM BEACH – DAY
In the black seat, alone, ROSALIND HARRISNO (30s), sits perfectly erect, looking out the window at the thrashing sea.
Red lips. Pearl earrings. Black Chanel suit. Stunning.
Bob pointed out some format concerns, and yeah, this was not perfect format-wise, but this felt much more “cleaned up” than a lot of specs I’ve encountered on TriggerStreet, and I was happy about that. Reading the scene above, I thought of our good friend Dave Trottier who instructs writers to have only one dash in the Master Scene Headings (“Palm Beach” need only be mentioned in the action lines). Also, the word “Stunning” is an unnecessary unfilmmable opinion of the writer (symptomatic of a lot of unfilmmables she wrote in her action lines), because it’s fairly obvious with the red lips and pearl earrings, etc, that she looks quite beautiful. But I do like these paragraphs. Complete sentences are not required. As David pointed out in the comments section of Miriam’s review, “The less you write, the more they’ll read.” (Miriam's review was, as always, really superb.)
But to my bigger point, I liked what Fugate was trying to do in terms of style and technique. She gives us in our first look at Rosalind, a woman who’s perfectly poised and beautiful while looking out the window at a “thrashing sea,” which was meant to symbolize her inner turmoil through a nice, clean, visual style of cinematic storytelling. It brought to mind the close-ups of Holly Hunter in The Piano. At one point, there was the close-up of Holly’s face while dark clouds rolled behind her. Or there was the shot where we would be outside looking at her through a window while she stared out at the world and a storm began and rain pelted the window panes. Holly’s character was mute and had cold expressions, but the clouds and rain helped express to the audience visually her inner feelings and turmoil.
Additionally, Fugate gave the implication in the scene above with the black sedan and Rosalind’s black Chanel suit that she was headed for something like a funeral or some place that she does not want to go, which turned out to be a fundraiser. It makes me happy to see writers endeavor to tell their stories cinematically like this. (Another example – the moment when sandbags were getting thrown from the back of pick-up trucks on a beach to surf shops and sno-cone stands that were being boarded up due to an impending storm and “over-lording” this moment was the billboard of her husband running for the Senate and promising to “Keep Florida Safe.”)
I liked many of her transitions, too, such as the one on page two - the manicured hands of the wealthy women writing checks for Arthur Harrison’s campaign and then we cut to the calloused hands with “old cuts that never quite heal,” which were the hands of Donny Flynn.
With respect to any criticisms, everyone did such an outstanding job, and I am so very grateful for every review. After reading the script, I could feel a 5,000 word review brewing inside of me, but so much of my own thoughts were covered in everyone else’s reviews. There’s very little with which I disagreed and I made my thoughts known in the various comments sections. I’ve said before, give enough time and enough good reviewers to look at your script, all of the weaknesses will get dutifully pointed out to you.
In Christina’s post, she pondered, “I wonder if this is not one of those stories for the 80% of viewers out there that don't see things coming and suspend belief at a high level if the kid is cute enough.” Anything’s possible, but I wouldn’t risk my own money it.
-MM
