Here’s one for those people who are tired of the English football commentators…you know that delusional chat to the camera that comes from trying to convince yourself and the nation that what you are seeing is not the actual truth of things?
It came from by brother in Ireland and it’s a comparison of what people were saying during the recent England games, when they didn’t have an axe to grind or a paymaster general to please.
Oh yes…it’s Irish TV versus the BBC.
(and to help you with the nationality of the speaker there's a wee bit of colour coding.)
Hansen: “Once England got the goal the confidence levels surged, they were excellent.”
Eamon Dunphy: “They just didn’t grow in confidence at all after the goal.”
Lineker: “The goal really settled them, didn’t it? They pushed on from there.”
Ronnie Whelan: “You’d think they’d have kicked on from when they scored, but they actually got worse.”
Roy: “England’s crossing has been absolutely outstanding.”
Giles: “Some of the crossing was just awful.”
Shearer: “Rooney looks more confident, he’s getting around the pitch a lot better.”
Dunphy: “It’s shocking to see Rooney so subdued, he’s been reduced to a shivering wreck.”
Shearer: “They look much more comfortable on the ball, they’re passing it with a purpose, with pace, they’re closing down – a much better performance, it’s encouraging.”
Giles: “They’re much better than they have been, but they couldn’t have been worse.”
No arguments, then. Second half. England held on. Full-time. Ready?
Lee Dixon: “A great performance.”
Dunphy: “Shocking . . . absolutely incredibly bad . . . pretty awful stuff.”
Hansen: “The commitment was there, the spirit was there, the enterprise was there, the creativity was there, they passed it better – they could have scored five or six quite easily. Capello will obviously be delighted with the performance.”
Giles: “If that’s the shackles off what’ll they be like when the shackles are back on?”
’Arry Redknapp: “We played with pace, we got after them, we pressed them, there wasn’t a weakness in the team.”
Dunphy: “They were astonishingly poor.”
Lineker: “He looked more like the Rooney we know.”
Ronnie: “Rooney is a major worry, his form, his body language, his demeanour, everything.”
Dixon: “Gerrard was outstanding.”
Dunphy: “I can’t believe how bad Gerrard was today.”
’Arry: “Across midfield we were top drawer.”
Giles: “Barry got worse as the game went on, Milner, Gerrard and Lampard the same.”
’Arry: “Bring it on! Whoever we play we’ll be difficult to beat.”
Ronnie: “If they don’t improve they’ll go straight out, it was a very, very inept performance.”
