As a parent I feel it is my duty to ensure that my son has a strong understanding of certain human concepts and how we each fit into society. One such human concept of keen importance I feel, is that of sharing. This quality is key to the human experience, particularly when chocolate is in the house.We are of course talking sharing on the level of one to you, two to me.
This week’s lesson is being developed with the visual (yet rapidly vanishing) aid of an 8 pack of Cadbury’s Twirl. These have overtaken the firm family favourite of Maltesers for the moment. We had, I must admit a brief flirtation with Giant Buttons, but are now settling on Twirls.
By the way – Maltesers, The Lighter Way to Enjoy Chocolate? My fat hairy arse, not when you eat them in quantities that could fill a pillow. They should really warn you about that.
Which leads me onto an unfortunate side effect of eating chocolate in large quantities. ..
Who knew? ...you look in the mirror and say to yourself, holy mars bars, Batman, you could do with losing ten pounds. Then someone you used to consider a friend sends you a photograph taken on their digital camera after a poetry reading (the work of Satan these cameras, if you ask me...the damn thing is there right in front of your eyes in seconds) and you think, Holy Cadbury's Clusters, Batman, scratch ten pounds, we’re talking twenty.
I really must go back to healthy eating. But who will carry on my teachings? The wee fella still hasn’t fully got the picture on this sharing malarkey.
It has just occurred to me that there is an additional lesson he needs to learn - how to cope with disappointment. When he comes round tomorrow, there isn’t a piece of chocolate left in the house.
He simply has to learn these things. It really is for his own good.
Ps. While I was writing this my TV was providing background music from a digital music channel. I was two minutes into “It’s Raining Men” by Geri Halliwell before I realised. I’m now off to scrub my eyes with vim and stick a pencil deep into each ear.
