my parents got me the criterion collection copy of my own private idaho for christmas, and i have to say once again, how beautiful is river phoenix? classic. classic. classic. and how sad the lines, "i really wanna kiss you, man." ughhhh it's the neo-easy rider. and gus van sant and i love the same dirty boys. no wonder i'm obsessed.i'm so confused about my life that i can't sleep, and i totally should be since i have to work a double tomorrow and then i gotta meet up with my homegirl kelly!
my phone was off the hook tonight, and i kept falling asleep on the train in my red hunting hat. thing's padded like a pillow and almost as awesome as my new american apparel sheets.
but i'm tired of sleeping alone, so maybe i won't hold out for the mountain i'm trying to crumble as if i were an absolute earthquake created solely to crumble that one fucking mountain like a destructive siren of awesomeness.
maybe i'm just brainwashing myself into believing i want something that i don't even want at all.
maybe i should listen to the craziness that surrounds me and realize that i don't want anything specific, just the multitude of possibilities that present themselves to me.
maybe i want something i've always sort of had but never really had at all, and maybe now's not the time for that and maybe there never will be a time.
whatever the case may be, i do know my new years resolutions:
1. wash face daily and take off old makeup. no more pancake layers or any more of this edie sedgwick shit.
2. floss
3. stop eating cake.
4. make a plan for the future and execute it. writing poetry in notebooks doesn't count, but it should still happen every day.
5. figure out a way to stop sleeping.
6. allow myself to accept what life offers with two open hands. you know, kind of like, "wherever, whatever, have a nice day."
