Every once in a while you come across a book that is so inspiring you have no choice but to share it with your friends. Or, you come across a book that is so ridiculously funny you can't help but talk about it. Such is the case of How To Grow Up And Rule The World by Vordak The Incomprehensible. This isn't your average reading material. Vordak is pretty clear about who he wants reading this book. I, personally, feel like I meet the requirements. I mean, really, don't we all want to be just a little evil at times? I know I do. Seriously, there are times when I'm so pressured with my status of perfection in my little world, that I forget just how fun evil can be. EVIL...Vordak's kind of evil!
The first chapter in this insanely written "masterpiece" is entitled; Glorious Me! I know. I thought it was a joke, but it wasn't. The first page had me hooked. I loved it so much I'm willing to share it with you if only to showcase Vordak's gift of making you feel like a pathetic goober.
GREETINGS, inferior one. I am Vordak the Incomprehensible. Who you are doesn't matter. What does matter is my dastardly decision to add the world of book publishing to my growing list of conquests. Without even trying very hard, I have created a book of such unbelievable brilliance that it dwarfs all other literature preceding it throughout the course of human history. The wisdom contained within these pages is of such humongousness that it offers even a piddling piece of pond scum such as yourself the opportunity to ONE DAY GROW UP AND RULE THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (I think I typed one too many HA's in there, but does it matter? NO!)
This book will teach you how to bring out your inner evil villain, select a "gut-wrenching" evil name, create a villainous costume, build the perfect evil lair, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This book comes with tests, and an employment form where you pretty much sign your life over to Vordak.
I'm really trying hard to channel my inner villain. I just need to stop smiling so much in my photos. While I continue to work on that daily, I have gone ahead and chosen my evil name. Are you ready for it? It's pretty good...not as good as Vordak's, but we all can't be as perfect as he seems to think he is. My name is: TOLZAR The Ruthlessly Impatient. There's a template available in the book to help with the selection process. I've also chosen my evil lair. You can find photos on my Facebook page. I'm still working on the costume, but since my evil lair doesn't have high ceilings, I know I'll be wearing a mask.
Even with all my constant chatter on Facebook and my willingness to unpack a box of these books that the book store hadn't even bothered to stock on the shelves, Vordak still has yet to send me a signed copy to give away on my book blog. I've entered a contest to win one, but I have a pretty strong feeling I'm not the winner. Feel free to stop by my desk to check out my copy of this seriously insane book. I think it makes for great bathroom reading. Don't tell Vordak I said that. You can read more about Vordak on his web page at http://www.vordak.com/.
You know that book I've been thinking about writing? After reading this, I'm thinking I might have a real shot at being published. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Update: Thanks to Google Alert, Vordak read my blog post and liked it? He is sending me a free signed copy to give away on my ridiculously lame book blog! How cool is that?
You know that book I've been thinking about writing? After reading this, I'm thinking I might have a real shot at being published. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Update: Thanks to Google Alert, Vordak read my blog post and liked it? He is sending me a free signed copy to give away on my ridiculously lame book blog! How cool is that?
