Idiots of the Week: December 1, 2008

Top Idiots Of The Week
Nancy Morgan
RightBias.com
November 19, 2008

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AND THE WINNERS ARE:

The winner of this week's Idiot Award is the genius who decided to rename New York City's Triborough Bridge in honor Robert F. Kennedy. For those of you under 35 and/or recent graduates of government schools who don't see the irony in naming a bridge after a Kennedy, just google 'Chappaquidick'.

In a close second we have the student counselors at Ottawa's Carlton University. These yahoos voted to cancel a cystic fibrosis fundraiser because the disease “has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men”. Apparently the disease wasn't 'inclusive' enough. Translation: Your life isn't worth anything unless you're a member of a politically correct victim group. Here's hoping these kids don't pro-create.

RUNNER-UP:

The 'sanitation experts' who marked World Toilet Day by calling for the end of the flush toilet in order to save water and provide fertilizer for crops. I kid you not.


HONORABLE MENTION:

Politically correct NHS bosses in Birmingham, England are battling to ban a smoking room for terminally ill patients – forcing them to be turfed out into the cold to enjoy their final cigarettes.

Millionaire and NBA superstar Gilbert Arenas decided to show his support for President-elect Barack Obama by getting a political tattoo on his left hand. Ain't it cute?

He's not alone...A brothel in Europe offered free entry to anyone who had the brothel's name tattooed on their arm. To date, 40 idiots have taken them up on their offer.

A woman is divorcing her husband after he told her it was an "iPhone glitch" that sent pictures of his genitals to another woman. Inquiring minds want to know if he plans to sue.

A group of idiots has started a petition to get pole dancing into the Olympic games.

MOST STUPID CRIMINALS:

You might wonder what this picture depicts... Its an ATM machine with an idiot under it. A thief pried an ATM loose from a Leavenworth credit union by using a stolen skid loader. Then — in an alleged effort to bust open the boosted ATM — the 49-year-old idiot decided to use the skid loader to drop the machine down a 50-foot wooded embankment. “It makes it easier when you let go of it. That way you don’t go with it,” said Leavenworth Police Chief Patrick Kitchens.

A 21-year-old man was accused of driving drunk and leading police on a chase that finally ended with him running over himself.

A pair of 17-year-olds allegedly try to rob armed off-duty Dona Ana deputy at knife point in Las Cruses. Oops!

Last, but not least, we have a police chief in Southwestern Ohio. As he was giving his daughter a lesson in gun safety, he accidentally shot himself in his thigh. Moral of the story: make sure gun is unloaded before giving lessons.

MOST IDIOTIC STATEMENTS:

The chairman of the British Lap Dancing Association, speaking at a legislative hearing Tuesday, made an odd assertion, given his livelihood — a lap dance is "not sexually stimulating".

A lawyer representing a man arrested in Fairfield for drunken driving says the state’s breathalyzers discriminate against black people. Racist machines?

MOST IDIOTIC STATEMENTS BY ELECTED OFFICIALS:

While arguing in favor of legislation requiring that anyone report a lost or stolen firearm report that within 24 hours or potentially face a $500 fine, Pittsburgh Councilwoman Tonya Payne said, "Who really cares about it being constitutional?"

Tonya is joined by U.S. Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.) who, with a straight face, praised the idea of wealth redistribution and maligned the idea that people who create wealth should be entitled to keep it. Can you spell socialism?


Anyone can be stupid but it takes real effort to be an idiot. Feel free to send in contenders for next week's Idiot Awards. Meanwhile, keep smiling.

[For an animation that will make you smile, click Idiots of the Week. Hint: it involves Hillary.
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by Nancy Morgan
Right Bias.com

Idiot Awards may be reprinted, with attribution to RightBias.com

Idiot of the Week Awards: Winners, October 5 2008 Edition

Top Idiots Of The Week Awards
Week of October 5 2008
Right Bias.com

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We have a clear winner in this week's awards. By far, the biggest idiot of the week has to be:

1. Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia McKinney, who was caught on video accusing the U.S. Department of Defense of executing 5,000 prisoners Chinese-style and dumping their bodies in a Louisiana swamp. Maybe she's just off her meds.

2. Second place has to go to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She gave a five minute speech tearing into Republicans right before a crucial vote on the government bailout bill, where, it turns out, she could have used their votes. She lost. Moral of the story: Don't gloat before you vote.

3. Third place goes to Harvard University. They held a ceremony Thursday awarding researchers for studying fertility of exotic dancers, plant dignity, enhanced potato chip crunch, flea jumping abilities and spermicidal uses for Coca-Cola. I wonder what jobs are available with those kind of qualifications.

HONORABLE MENTION:

* Rep. Barney Frank makes this week's list for going on the O'Reilly Factor to defend the indefensible. He got a very public spanking. We can't figure out if it was idiocy or just plain old hubris.

* A Colorado teen hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend.

* This poor idiot shot himself after being denied sex by his girlfriend. He was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He is being held on $100,000 bail.

* An amateur chef died the day after eating a "superhot" chilli in a bet with his friend over who could make the hottest dish.

* Luke Schreder thought a police officer looked like he just "needed a hug" so he ran up to him and stuck out his arms. He was arrested for assault on a peace officer, public intoxication and interference with official acts. When he gets out, he should consider going into politics.

* Two armed robbers hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside but were forced to abandon more than half the cash because their small getaway car could not carry it all.


ECO-IDIOTS:

1. First place goes to authors of a new report which states: 'People will have to be rationed to four modest portions of meat and one litre of milk a week if the world is to avoid runaway climate change.'

2. Second place winner is a fellow who believes this junk. For the past nine months, Dave Chameides has been filling his basement with every single thing he would ordinarily recycle or toss into the trash. He's doing this in order to reduce his carbon footprint and save the world. I know I'll be sleeping easier tonight.

3. Polar bears will also be able to sleep easier thanks to the brave scientists in California who are actually testing the hearing of polar bears to try to find out whether the noises associated with melting Arctic ice could affect their ability to survive.

HONORABLE MENTION:

How could we have eco-idiots awards without mentioning Father Earth algore? Al Gore said in San Jose on Saturday that the climate crisis deserves the same type of attention and money from Washington that the financial meltdown is getting. The scary thing is, this man almost became president. Whoa baby!

From the Just Plain Nasty files:

Hustler founder, Larry Flynt has made an X-rated movie using an adult-film actress who is a dead ringer for Sarah Palin.

In an effort to leave you with a little hope for the future, we feel we should mention the following:

Alan Fishman, named CEO of Washington Mutual just 18 days before federal regulators seized it, will not accept a multimillion-dollar severance payment even if he is entitled to it, a spokesman representing him said Wednesday. Some would consider him an idiot. We don't.


by Nancy Morgan
Right Bias.com


RightBias.com publishes the Top Idiots Of The Week Awards every weekend. Feel free to forward any idiotic news you feel deserves consideration.

Idiots of the Week: September 27, 2008

Idiots of the Week: September 27, 2008
Right Bias.com



[Every week, RightBias publishes Culture Watch, which includes an Idiot of the Week award. However, there's been so many...


TOP IDIOTS OF THE WEEK: Sept. 27, 2008


1. First place winner, hands down, is PETA, People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals. After hearing of a Swiss restaurant that started using human breast milk in their soups and sauces, PETA sent a letter to Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to start using breast milk in their ice cream products. Yum.

2. Unfortunately, this idiot terrorist is unable to savor his award. As he was mindlessly lobbing bombs and chanting Allah Akbar, he accidentally blew himself up. (Warning: graphic video) I wonder if he finally got those 72 virgins he was promised.

4. Also, in the eco-idiots category: Bette Midler, who cancelled her latest tour in order to save the planet. The aging 62 year-old diva felt the fleet of 14 trucks she used to ship her show from city to city caused too much pollution. I'm sure low ticket sales had nothing to do with her decision.

5. A Michigan Court of Appeals deserves a place on our list for ruling that a man who pleaded no contest to sodomizing a sheep doesn't have to register as a sex offender. Would someone please let PETA know.

6. The winner of last week's top idiot award is back. Democrat VP candidate Joe Biden stated on CBS Evening News, "When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'" Only problem is, FDR wasn't president during the 1929 crash, Herbert Hoover was. Oh, and there was no television in 1929. Duh.


7. Former American Idol star Clay Aiken gets our Idiot Parent of the Week award. Clay was pictured in People Magazine holding his infant son as he announced to the world that he is gay. Clay threw in some advice on parenting, stating, "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things." Another example of idiots transforming bad behaviour into moral-self righteousness. Bravo.

8. Kudos to the idiot who managed to rack up nearly $2 million in traffic fines before being caught by Brazilian police.

9. Last, but not least, is the idiot former judge who was disbarred by the Oklahoma Supreme Court last Tuesday. His crime? He actually got caught, and served prison time, for using a sexual device while presiding over trials. Hey, maybe some lawyers just complained about how hard it was to get a rise out of him. Ya think?


Thought for the week: To err is human, but being an idiot takes something special.


by Nancy Morgan
Right Bias.com

RightBias publishes the Top Idiots Awards every Monday.
This article may be reprinted, with attribution to RightBias.com

Idiots of the Week: Winners, September 25, 2008

Idiots of the Week: September 25, 2008
Right Bias.com



[Every week, RightBias publishes Culture Watch, which includes an Idiot of the Week award. Last week, however, was so chock full of idiotic delights that we find they deserve more exposure than space allows in Culture Watch. Hence, the first:]


TOP IDIOTS OF THE WEEK AWARDS:

1. The top idiot of the week award goes, hands down, to Dem VP contender Joe Biden, who stated with a straight face that being patriotic means paying higher taxes. No doubt, some will fall for this bunk, which further explains the need for an expanded IDIOT'S list. So many idiots, so little time.


2. Narrowly losing out for first place has to be Washington Redskin's tight end, Chris Cooley, who 'accidentally' posted a photo of his genitals on the Internet. Cooley apologized, saying he was studying, in the nude, and accidentally included his genitalia in a photo of what were supposed to be notes. Right.. He as much as said it ain't no big deal.


3. A would-be robber picked the wrong bar to rob. It turned out Pooh's Corner Bar in Virginia is a cop's bar. This idiot ended up with a shot in the butt. Sometimes, life is fair.


4. Rep. Charlie Rangel, who, after being caught cheating on his taxes, penned an open letter to New Yorkers saying he is the target of a GOP "guerilla war." This, after he managed to keep his leadership post on our nation's tax-writing committee even after evidence of his tax fraud came to light.


5. A German teenager engraved a swastika into her hip and then blamed it on right-wing militants. She is currently facing trial.

6. Billionaire George Soros has made this week's list. His hedge fund lost at least $120 million bucks for his investors on the funds' Lehman Brothers holdings. Welcome, George. Hope to see you back here real soon.

7. Our 'social justice' award has to go to the group of protesters who gathered outside John McCain's Crystal City condo, demanding McCain give them his condo. Too much koolaid for those kids. What do you want to bet they're all Obama supporters?

8. Last, but not least, we must acknowledge those zany Democrat leaders who, as the world teetered on the brink of financial ruin last week, suggested issuing gas stamps to help Americans cope with high gas prices.

Feel free to forward your own contendor for next week's IDIOT AWARDS.


by Nancy Morgan
Right Bias.com
image: rightbias; citypages