i got married

and it was awesome.

the things you wanted i bought them for you

New Glasses!

Last Days as a Bachelorette

Boys, I just don't look at you anymore. Let me lament that I never sucked face with a French teenager with a horrible nose.

I think I did my best to kiss my way around the world. But I'm missing a few strays that I'd have liked to have rescued. Dear Donald, we never got the chance for you to give me Herpes.

I will regret that I was never old enough to be a Strokes groupie.

But somehow, it doesn't matter. I'll never lust over another dishwasher again. Nor will I covet my neighbor's hipster with weed baggies in his left skinny jeans pocket. Oh, dirt magnets and DJ's, how you got me through the worst of times! Oh, old man professors and cave man economists, how you saved me from an endless dinner with people who hated my guts!

Oh, disgusting, oh, drug-addicted. I loved you all so much it got me thru it all more than 55 lattes and bourbons put together!

I love my lover. I love cilantro and avocado and reliability and texts at 8 in the morning. There will always be new music and movies. There will never be a new guy. But here's to all the boys who came before him. Here's to the Crazy that will be crazy no more.

conejita y conejo

i can't wait for the summmmmmer

86, shit canned

Top Ten Moments

10. CALLATE PINCHE PERRO. HIJO DE LA MIERDA. BASTARDO, VERGA. PINCHE CABRON.

9. huevos de huevos.

8. "Coneja, you're much more beautiful when you callate tu boca."

7. teaching lokito mi ninito ingles.

6. huesitos mi amorcito siempre. TIED with talking big stuff with Mi Companero.

5. johnsina dinners every wednesday night. MY BROTHER.

4."I can see your veins."

3. shit-canned african chants.

2. SORPRESA BITCHES! i never had to eat cannoli again.

1. su coneja... cada momento con risitas, PERDON.

time is on my side

February, with its snowstorms and Valentines' Day gloom, may be raging (I fell flat on my ass thanks to Greenpoint ice on the way home tonight), but summer creeps up slowly, and sometimes with so much promise and vibrating-phone-in-my-stomach desirable anxiousness that I can find it tough to keep my mind on the moment at hand. The overwhelming yearning for hot sun and hotter bodies can put a damper on the daily routine in NYC at this stage in the year's game. But, I just kick back with a Corona, turn up the volume on Mick's cocksure waaaah-waaaaaah vocals and scream, "Tiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is!"

Because it is, pendejos. It is.

break-up makeover, 8 months later

i bleached it again, bitches.